Random stories

“Thank you for calling Call of Cthulu Internet and Cellular!”

“Hi, my name is Rachel, and my internet just went dow-“

“We are currently assisting other customers. Please hold for our next available cultist.”

Rachel sighed as the demonic, chilling hold music began to come through the phone. She’d had this ISP ever since she moved here three years ago, and they had some of the spottiest internet she’d ever experienced. Not even Comcast went down this often!

She looked over at her Wi-Fi router that she rented from the company. The antennae were all curved, looking vaguely like tentacles coming off of the box. The blinking red and green lights were incomprehensible to everyone except the company’s workers. Rachel’s cousin worked in IT, and she once asked him to take a look when her internet went down while he was staying over. After a day of intensely studying the router and the guides she’d downloaded previously, he left her house mumbling something about “demonic recursion” and checked himself into a psychiatric ward.

A recording from the phone: “we appreciate your business! At Call of Cthulu, we put our blood, sweat, and other sacred fluids into making this company its best. After the call, we would appreciate if you took part in our customer satisfaction survey.”

The hold music again. Rachel’s dog whimpered and walked out of the room, unable to stand hearing it anymore. Rachel waited patiently. Sometimes this took up to an hour.

“We have updated our terms of service. Due to a recent federal law, we may no longer accept firstborn children as a form of payment. Donations of fresh blood, black candles, and other such alternative payment options will still be available for the time being. Of course, money is always acceptable.”

Rachel had just turned to make her breakfast when the ringtone started sounding through the phone. Then a voice from a world beyond human understanding spoke, seeming to come from everywhere in the room: *“HELLO. THANK YOU FOR CALLING. WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO ASK ABOUT TODA-”*

Rachel cut him off. “You know very well! Every time I call this company you somehow know exactly what my issue is before I have to say anything! Out with it!”

There was a pause. Then *“AH YES, MISS RACHEL PEREZ, YOUR INTERNET WENT DOWN FIVE MINUTES AGO.”*

“Yes. And if you know, why don’t you get someone out here to fix it already! Stop wasting my time!”

*“TIME. SUCH A MORTAL CONCEPT. VERY WELL, SOMEONE WILL BE WITH YOU SHORTL-“*

“Just send the damn tech!”

There was silence on the phone for a second. Then the voice said: *“OUR TECH IS ON THE WAY. WE WOULD APPRECIATE IT IF YOU TOOK PART IN OUR CUSTOMER SATISFACTION SUR-“*

“Thank you, have a nice day,” Rachel blurted out, then hung up. The silence in the house was deafening compared to the voice and the hold music.

Comcast was better, she decided. At least she understood that evil.

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Submitted by hilfigertout on Sun, Aug 21, 2022 to /r/WritingPrompts/

The prompt

Cthulu has been summoned. And the first thing he does is... found a telecommunications company. This is the "Call of Cthulu".