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"You know, Darth Bane was saying the other day, that the Sith are only weakened by all the infighting between various Sith Lords, and that there should only be two Sith at a time -- a master and an apprentice." Darth Ruthifus said as he paced back and forth, watching his apprentice through the glass of the airlock door.

"Are you gonna let me back in?" Darth Ignian asked, timidly.

"I haven't decided," Ruthifus replied, with a dismissive wave. "Anyway, at first I thought maybe that idea had merit, but now I realize it's *stupid.* Do you know why?"

"Why?"

"Because, had we been under that system, and had your plan to kill me somehow worked by pure dumb luck, then a *complete moron* would be the only person left to carry on the tradition of the Sith, and we simply cannot take the risk that our noble Order will go out like that." Ruthifus said, furrowing his brow. He wasn't angry, which was odd, since he'd trained for decades to embrace that emotion. Rather he, was *confused. A*nd a bit disappointed.

"I mean, what do you want me to say?" Ignian asked, fidgeting. "We're Sith. I took my shot."

"What exactly *was* your plan, though?" Ruthifus said. "I would think you'd be in a much better position to kill me if you were on *this* side of the airlock, and I was out there. It's not like you can blow up the ship and leave, there's no escape pod in there!"

"Nah, you were definitely supposed to be out here, for this to work." Darth Ignian admitted, scratching his chin. "It just...it didn't go down like that, that's all."

"No, come on." Ruthifus insisted. "Walk me through this, how *was* it supposed to go down?"

Ignian sighed, heavily. "Okay, so every morning, you come down to breakfast, and every morning, you use the force to grab an apple and take a bite."

"Okay, and?" Ruthifus said, raising an eyebrow.

*"And* you're right-handed, so you always take the *right* apple, and I take the left one."

"So?"

"So, I attached an unbreakable and nearly invisible cortosis monofilament wire to the apple on the right, and rigged up a switch over there..." the younger Sith pointed to a control panel on the far wall. "...that I could pull with the Force, tied to a macro-command in the ship's computer that would activate the hydraulic loading arm in the airlock -- which I'd attached the wire to -- causing it to yank you into the airlock, and then close and lock the airlock door. Er, and then, I'd eject you into space before you could cut through the door with your lightsaber, of course."

"But what if I'd just *let go* of the apple?" Ruthifus asked, incredulously.

Ignian brightened. "Oh, I thought of that. You'll notice, I waited until you bit into the apple to say 'Now I am the master, you old fool!' and push the switch. That's because I *also* slipped a hook into the apple. Also made of unbreakable cortosis."

"Where did you get all this cortosis?" Ruthifus demanded, placing his hands on his hips. The rare metal was one of only a very few substances in the galaxy that could *not* be cut by a lightsaber, and it was *expensive.*

"I spent my own credits on it!" Ignian said, defensively. Then he sagged, and added, sadly, "Like, *all* of them."

"Fine, whatever. But, now we come to the real question, the broken lynchpin that made the well-oiled machine of this *brilliant* plan fall apart. Why, my young apprentice, did your plan fail?"

Ignian cleared his throat. "Because...like, in the grand scheme of things, the will of the Force was that--"

"No." Darth Ruthifus interrupted, patiently. "Come on. Why *really?"*

"In the moment, I got overexcited, and I grabbed the wrong apple, okay?" Darth Ignian grudgingly mumbled.

"And though I notice you didn't bite into it -- you were too busy declaring yourself 'the master' and me 'an old fool' -- you also didn't have the presence of mind to *let go* of the damn thing before it pulled *you* into the airlock." Ruthifus added.

Ignian nodded, silently.

Darth Ruthifus stared at his apprentice for a long moment, and then finally shrugged. "Welp, all's well that ends well, I guess."

"You're not gonna space me?" Ignian said, hopefully.

Darth Ruthifus shook his head. "Of course not." Then he smiled, mirthlessly. "I'm just going to leave you in there, until you die of hunger and thirst." He gestured to the apple Ignian held, "Enjoy your last meal, there. Watch out for the *hook."*

Cackling, Ruthifus strolled away from the sealed airlock. He took a bite of the other apple that he still held, thinking of where he might find a new apprentice. Korriban was traditional, but perhaps an angry young street urchin from Nar Shadaa...

Ruthifus paused, frowning. Something felt...wrong. He turned back to the airlock. Ignian was smiling. The Sith Lord opened his mouth to speak, but only froth issued forth from his lips, as he began to choke. Rage filled him as realization dawned, and the apple fell from his hand as a creeping numbness began spreading through his body. He shakily raised his hands towards the airlock, lightning crackling between his fingertips...and then fell dead to the floor.

Ignian chuckled. "You always underestimated me, old man." He pulled out the communicator he'd tied into the ship's controls, and raised it to his mouth. "Open airlock door, computer."

Darth Ignian stepped up to the door, hands casually clasped behind his back, as he heard the satisfying sound of the airlock door hydraulics activating, and the door itself beginning to open.

Then he realized that sound was coming from *behind* him.

Eyes widening in horror, he awkwardly fumbled with the communicator, and hurriedly raised it back to his lips.

"Computer, I meant open the *inner* airlock do--"

Ignian was cut off, as he was sucked out into space.

A moment later, his master's body followed him into the void, as the inner airlock door belatedly slid open.

---

Submitted by SilasCrane on Sat, Jul 09, 2022 to /r/WritingPrompts/

The prompt

As it is custom in the Sith Empire, your apprentice had tried to murder you and take your place as Master. However, the way they tried to get rid of you was so strange, and their failure so absurd, you are not even mad, just... confused