ScorpioPerk
Selected Fri, Mar 11, 2022
Year 4781, 3rd of March, Terran Calendar
“Dave, the fuck happened?” Captain Bob O’Connell was looking into a cell containing two bruised and battered humans. One was clearly sleeping off a doozy of a hangover.
“Well,” Dave gave the captain a chagrined smile. “The other night while you were delivering the neuron accelerator, me and Artemis decided to go to the stations bar. Turns out the owner had a great connection to the Terran Sports Program!”
“Dave. Get to the point. I’ve been told your bail is set to 5,000 credits.”
“Well that’s not too ba-“
“Artemis’ bail is 35,000.”
“… Now that’s just malicious.”
“Dave-“
“Alright Alright! So, one of the local boys made a bet with Artemis who was already a few drinks in. I wasn’t paying attention so I don’t know what it was but then heard her yell, ‘Oh yeah?! Hold my beer!’ half the bar that heard her freaked the fuck out and trampled themselves to get out. When I finally reached Artemis she was standing over a Seeveran with what I assume used to be the bars alcohol dispenser unit…”
“Let me guess, she had hacked it and somehow weaponized it. This. This is why she needs a damn overseer.” The captain rubbed the bridge of his nose.
“Yeah… it got worse.”
“Considering that there is a pile of scrap where the bar used to be, I know. Now, where is the dispenser?”
Dave looked at him in confusion. “No one found it?”
“Dave I swear to the gods-“
“Artemis had an AI chip and uploaded it to the dispenser! I don’t even know where she got it or how she did it!”
“So you’re telling me, that Artemis got drunk, accepted a bet, hacked the alcohol dispenser, started a bar brawl that ended with the bar completely destroyed, and then created a rogue AI which is currently awol?”
“… yes.”
“… I’ll pay the bail, we’re leaving the quadrant immediately. Wake up Artemis, she is now forbidden from drinking unsupervised around electronics.”
“Gallon…” Artemis raised a shaky hand from the ground “of coffee… fuck the sugar… melt your… esophagus… hot…”
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Submitted by ScorpioPerk on Sat, Mar 05, 2022 to /r/WritingPrompts/
Full submission hereThe prompt
ONE of the most important rules of the Galactic Federation concerns humanity. If a human ever says "Hold my beer", either stop them, or run.
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